Hi!
Long time no see...
I took a little break to take care of myself and my family. I am not sure that this post means I'm back, the only thing I know is that I want to continue working on this blog :)
Yesterday I had a pretty interesting experience and I wanted to share. It was an uncomfortable experience but one that I'm sure, I will remember for a long time.
When I think of myself, I think of a pretty reserved person. I keep to myself and I don't make friends easily. I do this on purpose because I have a very, very soft heart that is very prone to getting hurt.
I'm the kind of person that will give anything to comfort you in time of need, the kind of person that will feel bad even for those who probably don't deserve much compassion. I'm a very strong person when it comes to my own struggles but I definitely have a soft spot for others and their struggles.
My culture, my essence, my view of life and my rough background have shaped me to be a person that needs to express and share emotion with others.
This has gotten me in quite a bit of trouble. I tend to put myself in vulnerable situations where I'm the one who end up embarrassing myself. This is not by choice. I literally suffer when I feel like someone may be having a hard time because of me. Whatever the case may be.
In yesterday's experience I learned a few things...
The first thing I learned is to walk away when people don't treat you with the respect that you deserve.
I had a pretty uncomfortable conversation with someone that appeared to be a pretty decent human being. Someone I had come to respect and admire.
I thought I knew this person a little and I thought things would be handled in a kind, understanding, reasonable way. Instead, I was greeted with the face of annoyance. I immediately felt the rejection and the disapproval of my oh so called inappropriate approach to the situation.
There was no kindness, patience or reasoning during that conversation. There was only shame, anger and frustration.
Time seemed to slow down as I very quietly in the back of my mind whispered to myself.. I can't believe I allowed myself to be having this embarrassing conversation.
I felt ashamed for a minute. Then I learned yet another lesson.
Don't ever stop being YOU because of other people's reactions to your actions.
If there is one thing I took from the whole experience is that it took courage for me to make the decision to be upfront with this person. It took determination to want to get things resolved. It took putting myself out there knowing that things could turn out the way they did.
Some people will discourage you from being you. They will make you feel embarrassed and ashamed for whatever you say that makes them feel uncomfortable. You need to remember that this has nothing to do with you.
A kind heart and soul will never make others feel ashamed for expressing their thoughts, emotions or concerns.
My next lesson was to be more understanding of other people's emotional needs.
I say this for both myself and the person whom I had the conversation with.
I broke it down to the two different experiences. The one I had and the one I imagine this other person had according to my observations.
In my experience I walked in feeling anxious, nervous, not knowing exactly what way to approach the situation.
I walked in confident that I would be treated with understanding no matter how hard it was for me to finally get to what I needed to say. (This was not the case) Needless to say I screwed up big time. I said things backwards and never got to say what I truly wanted to say.
I immediately felt misunderstood, I felt judged and I felt like I've just made a huge mistake.
This is the part where I tell you that mistakes are no accident. Mistakes happen so that we can learn. We make mistakes so that we can grow as individuals. Mistakes happen so that we can move onto bigger and better things.
I imagine a scenario when it comes to this person's experience.
My observations showed that this person experienced confusion, became upset and defensive. Experienced short periods of reflection. At times tried to process my words with a feeling of mixed emotions and words that triggered a sense of rejection and self protection.
The overall lesson learned is that we must be willing to give people a chance. The chance to say what they need to say without assuming, judging or making others feel inadequate with their perception of things in life.
People process things differently. What may seem obvious to you, may not be so obvious to others.
People communicate differently. Let's give each other the chance to communicate properly no matter how weird or how inadequate our ways may be.
I hope that we all learn to be a little more compassionate towards others. A little more understanding. That we allow others to be who they are without ever making them feel bad about how they express themselves.
In a perfect world, I would have been able to deliver my speech flawlessly and without hesitation.
In this imperfect world, I not only failed miserably at my attempt to express my emotions and why I felt that what I needed to say was important, but I also walked away with a sense of humiliation.
I learned that my huge mistake was... not stopping myself when I realized my speech was coming out the wrong way. I confused the other person with my inability to say the right words. I learned that emotions can and will most likely impair your judgment as well as the other person's, so be careful. I learned that if kindness and patience would have been applied, I would have been able to recover and put my words together for a better conversation. I don't say this in an upset way, I take it as a lesson of something I must apply to others in my life.
~
Thanks for visiting!
